So I'm a Junior- BFA Dance major and a Minor in Architecture now and this is where I am today...
I began re-reading my blogs here and realized it had escaped my mind how much I enjoyed writing. There is truly nothing as vulnerable and as personal as a writing to me. And without going into a four-course-meal of an explanation, I simply will say that the outcomes of conversation that bring me comfort are the ones in which I can obtain proof of the humanity on the other side: when I can see someone react to what I want to /have to/need to say. As you may know, social media isn't the place to receive this kind of outcome and unless you can be as lucky as to receive a direct response to your writing, you simply have to assume someone is listening on the other side. I bring this to your's and mine own awareness so that I may once again work to feel at ease in sharing my experiences, my knowledge, and my emotions with you here.
This past summer, there were many times where all I could do was sit down and allow my emotions to flood my brain with thoughts–most of them worries–about the future and the current moments unfolding. I didn't have the energy to process any of these emotions, which is unfortunate because I had plenty of time to do so. I would sit in Le Grand Parc de Versailles and wait for tears to come. I knew I felt depressed, but it was as if my body couldn't figure out how to express the sadness and the anger I was feeling. And as I continued to become more frustrated with myself, my mind-body connection began to get more and more complicated and myself more and more confused.
As I returned to school and as this semester has whisked by me in a flash, I have to say I have found the need to physicalize my thoughts in the form of writing. And so here I am, trying to piece together enough material for a new beginning...
But I don't think I need to start from a beginning. I think I am going allow myself to begin where I left off and work through what I need to work through. I often find that I'm thinking about life as a series of beginnings, but that limits myself from all the little in between moments that have challenged my character and my identity. In reality, these are the moments that have made me the person I am today. So here is to the road-blocks and now I pull away from the shoulder of CA-110 and begin driving again from where I left off. And I'll put my glasses on, look both ways, place both hands on the steering wheel, and be okay.
